I have decided to become a progressive liberal. I have also decided to support, blindly mind you, anything Obama and his liberal friends say. I will support all UN missions inside the US and abroad. I will work hard to make the world a better place as I am now a global citizen and a huge fan of the EPA, ATF, IRS, NSA, and DOJ.
You see, people, I guess I’ve been wrong this entire time about everything political. I’ve been completely misinformed on all social issues and it took a very convincing person to show me the way.
I spoke to this guy, we’ll call him John Doe, the other day and he explained it all to me in a concise and super detailed way. On top of all that, he had a beard and glasses. He was also bald, but with a pony tail. Someone like that obviously knows what’s what in both politics and the social-issues arena.
He explained to me that white people, Christians of all races, conservatives, libertarians, and anyone else who believes in traditional values are wrong. Times have changed, folks. Times have changed.
My understanding is that when the US was younger and there were fewer people, self governance was ok; not good, but ok. The government in the 1800s just wasn’t strong enough yet to make decisions that impact everyone’s lives. Now, they have the resources available to take care of us from cradle to grave and I say let them.
I want to live my life and let them pay for everything. New car, new house, all bills paid, free food, and all the free time I can stand because I don’t need a job anymore. PARADISE!
Also, apparently being white is bad. So from this day forward, I will be multi-cultural of some sort. I will go down to the white privilege club office and turn in my card today.
And then we hit the subject of ObamaCare. How great is this? I mean, sure it’ll cost more, but you’ll have far superior coverage. Besides, it’s law and who are you to question it?
I would keep going, but trying to write this satire is making me physically sick. In fact, just thinking of all the stuff I said made me throw up a little in my mouth.
Truth be told, I have some progressive liberal friends, a couple of them. They try their damnest to convert me. Hasn’t worked, but I have converted a few libs into a more conservative mindset.
I’m sure you’ve noticed, but most liberal policy is based on lies and deceit. Want some examples? I love giving examples. ObamaCare, the Iran deal. There’s 2 right off hand.
Anyway, I’ll try to come back later. This pretending to be liberal has me all buggered up and I think I’m going to vomit.